Brian Tracy at Author 101 University

When I became a widow I had no passion and life was flat. I purchased some motivational DVD’s with Brian Tracy and I watched them every night. He talked about goal setting and living a life of passion. I didn’t believe in myself but because of those DVD’s I set goals and went for it.

A year after submitting my manuscript I have my book and this weekend I saw Brian Tracy in person at Author 101 University in Las Vegas. Never in my dreams could I have imagined that I would actually meet him. But even more amazing to me is that I had my picture taken with Brian and I’m holding my book. A year beforeI didn’t even have that on my goal list as a possibility.

Brian Tracy and I – Las Vegas Oct 30,2010 This picture will always be a point of motivation for me. When I hit that brick wall I will get back up and remember that “Mary, You can do it.” because that was what Brian wrote in my book.

Life is amazing when you open yourself up to it. I’m going to redo my goal list – I’ve just realized that I’m not reaching high enough:)

Judging A Widow's Journey

I recently had a conversation with a good friend who was having a hard time because a her brother didn’t like the way she acted or dressed. He thought she was too loud and opinionated. This really upset my friend as she is actually very soft hearted.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to judge someone by what we see on the surface. When we see a widow dating that first year or on the other side a widow that years later still hasn’t accepted her husband’s death are we quick to judge their actions?

Let’s be sensitive and kind because it’s their journey not ours.

A Widow's Gratitude

Today I was working at the hospital doing programming and I was in the Radition/Chemo area. As I walked by the waiting room I saw a lady about my age just sitting there. She had shoulder length hair and was medium built. She looked healthy and for just a second our eyes meet.

I could see her fear and I knew. It was just a second but it touched my soul and made me realize that I’m not thankful enough for what I do have.

Starting tomorrow morning I’m getting up an extra 30 minutes early, making myself a nice cup of tea and writing in my new gratitude journal. I think it’s a perfect way to start my day and if I should ever forget – I will remember the lady who shared a moment in time with me.

Do you have something to be grateful for?  Please share if you do.

Widows - Sharing our stories and reqrets

I had never seen a man shave until I got married. I think I had this picture in my mind of a perfect marriage and I didn’t realize that couples do argue and that marriage can be difficult. I was hard on Donnie and when he was alive I blamed all of our problems on him, but now I realize that it was both of us.

Donnie started drinking when his father died and he had to go to the morgue to identify the body. Donnie was soft hearted and he never got over seeing his father like that. He couldn’t shake that picture from his mind and it always bothered him. I wish I had him back so I could tell him how much I appreciate how he loved me, his romantic ways and how hard he worked to provide for his family.

I think that there will always be some regrets, but I’ve learned to say “It is what it is” and accept it.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could rewind our lives and change the things we regret?

Are there any stories of regrets out there and if so how did you handle them. By sharing our stories we can help each other to grieve and heal.

How To Help a Loved One Grieve

I’ve spent alot of time talking to widows and their families these last two days. I’m writing today for the families because they want to help but are struggling on how to approach their loved ones.

My advise is let them have their time of grief and not to push them.

The best thing to do is buy them motivational books, CD’s and DVD’s that they can watch and listen to when they are ready. The gift may not be opened for months but it will be there for them.

Everyone’s grief is different and they have to progress through the pain to the healing.

Widows Helping Widows

Below is an email I received with permission to pass it on.  Widows helping widows – that is what it’s all about.

To: Mary Francis
Subject: Your Chapter

Well done Mary! I was impressed. Our guys are not replaceable that’s for sure. There were several phases that really caught me,

– Everyone dies and it’s not avoidable.

– Only God knows how much time you have.

– I’m afraid of growing old and having regrets for people and places I never made the effort to explore.

– ..people are more important while things have lost their appeal.

– I didn’t have to cater to other people’s needs all the time. I started to slowly change as circumstances forced me into a new lifestyle. I questioned my habits…

– (about the lawnmower)… No one used it but Donnie and the first time I had to start it up and mow the lawn I cried the whole time.

– I have made room for friends in my life.

– (about grief) That’s ok, I let it have its time, but I make an effort to keep moving so it doesn’t find a home in my soul.

And the most profound;
‘The greatest thing in the world is to have someone exclusively of your own – to love, to trust and to share’.

There were so many others Mary. I have scribbled and highlighted all over it. It gave me a sense of peace to read it and I will many times. I hope you are very proud of your accomplishment. If you are like me, unfortunately death spurred us on to an area we wouldn’t have explored, certainly I wouldn’t have chose it, and yet you have made value from it. We need this book Mary.

You are most welcome to take excerpts (if you want) from what I wrote and forwarded to you earlier. Greif evolves and now I’m in a different place with it.

People say the spirit stays with you for a year – how they know beats me, but it scares me that the year mark is approaching, does that mean he’ll leave me? I’m becoming desolate in my own fear of being completely abandoned.

I feel like I have come to know you through your writing. That’s the part where we expose ourselves and you have done so with skill and the ultimate love of others in our situation.

Again I say well done.
Barbara

Robin Sharma - Positive Book for Healing

Back in 1997 I purchased the book “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” by Robin Sharma. I highlighted it and marked the pages and it had a big impact on me. However, I didn’t realize how much of an impact until I heard him speak in my home town.

I now see that his positive messages, read and reread over 13 years, were reflected in my own book “The Sisterhood of Widows”.

Robin’s book influenced my personal life long before Donnie’s death but I didn’t realize it.  As I write this I can’t help but think about how important it is to read good books and listen to positive material because I’m sure it can make a big difference in how we react to life’s challenges.

Please share what positive books have helped you.