How much time is needed to grieve?

I was out last night and I ended up setting beside a widow (it’s amazing how many of us are out there). She has been a widow for eleven years and felt that it takes about four years to get back your balance. Some have felt that by your third year you should be back on track.

I don’t know but having talked to alot of widows I think that it depends on alot of things: your age, empty nest or kids at home, financial stress, sex and not least your relationship with your husband before he died.

There are some days when I still expect Donnie to walk in the door, while other days it seems like forever that I have been alone without him.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a personal journey and time doesn’t seem to matter.

Change in Lifestyle as a Widow

When there was two incomes coming into the house I didn’t really plan for my once a year expenses. How there is only my income and I have to accept that financial change. If I continue to live with out a plan I will not have any savings when things go wrong with the house or car.

Trouble is – I hate budgeting my money. It makes me think about where it’s going and sometimes I would whether not know. That’s my inner child coming out:-) OK, so I know better and I will start by writing out all my expenses even the yearly ones (I will divide them by 12) and get my monthly cost of living down on paper.

Once I know my true monthly expenses I will see how the income compares. I guess that is part of being responsible for myself but I do miss having someone to share the blame with.

Being a widow is such a change of lifestyle in everyway: financial, social and mental. Do you have any tips to help widows with their finances?

Brian Tracy at Author 101 University

When I became a widow I had no passion and life was flat. I purchased some motivational DVD’s with Brian Tracy and I watched them every night. He talked about goal setting and living a life of passion. I didn’t believe in myself but because of those DVD’s I set goals and went for it.

A year after submitting my manuscript I have my book and this weekend I saw Brian Tracy in person at Author 101 University in Las Vegas. Never in my dreams could I have imagined that I would actually meet him. But even more amazing to me is that I had my picture taken with Brian and I’m holding my book. A year beforeI didn’t even have that on my goal list as a possibility.

Brian Tracy and I – Las Vegas Oct 30,2010 This picture will always be a point of motivation for me. When I hit that brick wall I will get back up and remember that “Mary, You can do it.” because that was what Brian wrote in my book.

Life is amazing when you open yourself up to it. I’m going to redo my goal list – I’ve just realized that I’m not reaching high enough:)

Judging A Widow's Journey

I recently had a conversation with a good friend who was having a hard time because a her brother didn’t like the way she acted or dressed. He thought she was too loud and opinionated. This really upset my friend as she is actually very soft hearted.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to judge someone by what we see on the surface. When we see a widow dating that first year or on the other side a widow that years later still hasn’t accepted her husband’s death are we quick to judge their actions?

Let’s be sensitive and kind because it’s their journey not ours.

A Widow's Gratitude

Today I was working at the hospital doing programming and I was in the Radition/Chemo area. As I walked by the waiting room I saw a lady about my age just sitting there. She had shoulder length hair and was medium built. She looked healthy and for just a second our eyes meet.

I could see her fear and I knew. It was just a second but it touched my soul and made me realize that I’m not thankful enough for what I do have.

Starting tomorrow morning I’m getting up an extra 30 minutes early, making myself a nice cup of tea and writing in my new gratitude journal. I think it’s a perfect way to start my day and if I should ever forget – I will remember the lady who shared a moment in time with me.

Do you have something to be grateful for?  Please share if you do.

Widows - Sharing our stories and reqrets

I had never seen a man shave until I got married. I think I had this picture in my mind of a perfect marriage and I didn’t realize that couples do argue and that marriage can be difficult. I was hard on Donnie and when he was alive I blamed all of our problems on him, but now I realize that it was both of us.

Donnie started drinking when his father died and he had to go to the morgue to identify the body. Donnie was soft hearted and he never got over seeing his father like that. He couldn’t shake that picture from his mind and it always bothered him. I wish I had him back so I could tell him how much I appreciate how he loved me, his romantic ways and how hard he worked to provide for his family.

I think that there will always be some regrets, but I’ve learned to say “It is what it is” and accept it.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could rewind our lives and change the things we regret?

Are there any stories of regrets out there and if so how did you handle them. By sharing our stories we can help each other to grieve and heal.

How To Help a Loved One Grieve

I’ve spent alot of time talking to widows and their families these last two days. I’m writing today for the families because they want to help but are struggling on how to approach their loved ones.

My advise is let them have their time of grief and not to push them.

The best thing to do is buy them motivational books, CD’s and DVD’s that they can watch and listen to when they are ready. The gift may not be opened for months but it will be there for them.

Everyone’s grief is different and they have to progress through the pain to the healing.